Check Your Colon Boston

Before we get head over heels into the Bartolo Colon signing, let's get one thing straight: This is NOT a Runelvys Hernandez or Juan Gonzalez signing, no matter how the Red Sox are spinning it.

In truth, even the Runelvys Hernandez signing wasn't supposed to be what it turned out to be. The Sox signed the erstwhile stud Royals prospect for relative chump-change, on the off chance that he turn into a fifth starter or bullpen long man. They also acted largely under the influence of then recently promoted Assistant GM Alain Baird who, truth be told, may very well be a much worse influence than alcohol.


No matter how you spin it, the Hernandez debacle only had one lasting legacy on the 2007 Red Sox: It gave them one of the best yearbook names among major league pitchers.

Now Theo Epstein and co. have trumped their own name game, adding a man whose last name is a part of the digestive tract and whose corpulence proves he knows his own colon all too well. Once a legitimate ace for the Indians - 18-5 in '99, 20-8 in '02 (though half that season was spent in Montreal) - and the Angels - 18-12 in '04, 21-8 with a Cy Youn in '05 - Colon was cut loose after bumbling through an attempted recovery from elbow and shoulder issues. The big - and by big we mean David Wells with a geri curl - righthander made $16 MM last year, $15 MM less than he'll pull in from Boston this year IF he makes the team.

Amazingly, that's a pretty big "if". A year ago Colon appeared to be on his way to another payday, depending on his ability to cope with his arm issues. That he was almost entirely unsuccessful, and that the lack of success didn't deter the Angels' quest in the AL West, is an indictment of that division.

Now, time for the reality check. This is NOT, in any way shape or form, the Colon who the Red Sox beat in playoffs past. Boston scouts watched the walrus-like pitcher hit the low-90s with his fastball in the Caribbean Series, not exactly vintage Colon stuff, but fast enough that the team was willing to add him to a mix looking to fill in for the expected long-term absence of Curt Schilling. In an AP article this afternoon, Epstein said the Sox had set a date to determine whether Colon could "contribute" to the organization, but wouldn't say when that date was.
So, what can we glean from this allegedly minor move? Not as much as you might think. It's hard to read whether Boston is serious about slotting Colon in the rotation, though the fact that he garnered a conference call with Epstein and manager Terry Francona while those parties were finalizing Francona's new deal would seem to augur well for his chances. And if the team feels that Colon could contribute, but not for the length they expect, it's entirely possible that they could designate him as the team's long relief man, freeing up the current incumbent at that position - one Kyle Snyder - to legitimate compete for the fifth starters position at the outset of the season.

Such a move would also make Julian "Big Lebowski" Tavarez expendable, so he could take his baseball bowling act to any one of the handful of teams who have expressed interest in the past. Colorado could be a particularly intriguing option, with the Rockies perennially in need of more pitching and with a handful of trade-able prospects Epstein and co. would likely jump at getting their hands on.

But despite all that speculation, the one CLEAR signal that Colon's signing sends is that Boston does NOT feel good about relying on 200+ innings from both Jon Lester and rookie Clay Buchholz in the same rotation. It's certainly understandable that the team would want to hedge its bets when dealing with a recent-cancer survivor and a 20-something flamethrower who looks like a skinnier Opie. Still, with Schilling a possibility after the All-Star break - think trade deadline acquisition - do the Sox really need to shelve Buchholz until then to add more zip? Aren't his innings more meaningful in the big leagues than Portland and Pawtucket?

Then again, maybe WMYM is reading this wrong. What do you think about a potential Beckett-Matsuzaka-Wakefield-Lester-Colon rotation? Would you rather roll out B-M-W (pretty sweet first three initials, huh?)-L-B set up?

WMYM will be interested to hear what you think. In the meantime, someone's got to do the dirty work of  clearing any hydrogenated oils out of the clubhouse. The last thing Boston needs is a Colon with a stuffed colon.

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